How Do You Know?
One of my favorite songs in the movie "Enchanted" is titled, "How Do You Know?" That title says more than is apparently obvious. How do we know if someone is loving? Compassionate? Caring? Has strong belief systems? Is it by a statement or creed that "I have this or that," or by wht they do? This has historically been a great topic in dividing different religious doctrines. Faith vs. works. However, how do we know someone has faith if they don't act it out--do the works? Anyone can open their mouths and say, "I feel..., I love..., I believe... Does that really mean it is true? What would happen if everyone you care about and states they care for you couldn't speak and never had been able to speak? How would you know that person cares for you? How would you know what they believe in? and so forth?
For example: one of the first examples that my hubby is a caring/compassionate person was very early in our dating stage. I had just completed a particularly difficult and painful session with my therapist. In many previous therapy sessions, I treasured time alone afterwards. I would soak in a bubble bath and allow my mind and heart to process and decompress. This time was different. I needed someone to be with me and the operative term here is "be." I didn't want more info, more data, more anything. I just wanted to "be" with me because I needed another presence to sit with me. I called Don (and this was very early in our relationship) and asked him what he was doing. He stated he was getting ready to eat supper and why was I asking. I told him very briefly and bluntly that I needed him to come over. He didn't question; he didn't ask why. He didn't say he would come over after he ate. His simple response was, "I'm on my way."
When he arrived, I grabbed the front of his soft, worn flannel shirt and pulled him to the sofa. I curled up in his arms and cried for a full 45 minutes (I don't know why I remember the time elapse but I do). He never once stopped to ask, "What's wrong?" or "Why are you crying?" or the worst comment ever uttered to someone who is in pain, "Don't worry, it'll get better or it'll be okay." All he did was hold me and be with me.
That particular action--not words--defined for me that this man was a caring, compassionate person. There is nothing he could have said that could have topped that in my understanding of him. He didn't say anything; he didn't have to and I didn't need to hear anything.
It makes me wonder what my actions are that tell those around me that I care? It's not my words that really mean anything; people will know who I am and what kind of person I am by what I do. Are my actions consistent with the kind of person I think I am? or the kind of person I want to be?
For example: one of the first examples that my hubby is a caring/compassionate person was very early in our dating stage. I had just completed a particularly difficult and painful session with my therapist. In many previous therapy sessions, I treasured time alone afterwards. I would soak in a bubble bath and allow my mind and heart to process and decompress. This time was different. I needed someone to be with me and the operative term here is "be." I didn't want more info, more data, more anything. I just wanted to "be" with me because I needed another presence to sit with me. I called Don (and this was very early in our relationship) and asked him what he was doing. He stated he was getting ready to eat supper and why was I asking. I told him very briefly and bluntly that I needed him to come over. He didn't question; he didn't ask why. He didn't say he would come over after he ate. His simple response was, "I'm on my way."
When he arrived, I grabbed the front of his soft, worn flannel shirt and pulled him to the sofa. I curled up in his arms and cried for a full 45 minutes (I don't know why I remember the time elapse but I do). He never once stopped to ask, "What's wrong?" or "Why are you crying?" or the worst comment ever uttered to someone who is in pain, "Don't worry, it'll get better or it'll be okay." All he did was hold me and be with me.
That particular action--not words--defined for me that this man was a caring, compassionate person. There is nothing he could have said that could have topped that in my understanding of him. He didn't say anything; he didn't have to and I didn't need to hear anything.
It makes me wonder what my actions are that tell those around me that I care? It's not my words that really mean anything; people will know who I am and what kind of person I am by what I do. Are my actions consistent with the kind of person I think I am? or the kind of person I want to be?
Comments
Post a Comment